itchin'

banana peels
nail polish remover
Comet
baking soda
salt
bleach
jewelweed
Calamine lotion
honey
Vick's Vap-o Rub
eucalyptus oil
plantain leaves
watermelon rinds

Can you guess what's been going on in our casa this past week? We're not trying to concoct some sort of diabolical elixir or acting out Shel Silverstein's poem Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout. Nope. The list above is just a sampling of the different items I have applied to my inner forearms and Ted has slathered on his shins in an intense and at times completely pathetic battle with Poison Ivy.

Apparently the grape-like vine we were yanking out of a heavily weeded bed up in Michigan a few weekends ago wasn't grape at all but the evil, pernicious and insanely tenacious Poison Ivy. Maybe I should have suspected something when I wasn't seeing any grapes. Ahem.

We are humbled and we are desperate. I have reached out to friends who have dropped off remedies (jewelweed) and before you can say "thank you for driving out of your way to deliver me a zip loc baggie of jewelweed" I was mashing it up and slathering it on my arms. It helped, it pulled some of the poison out. But then it was all gone and I couldn't forage for any in my hood. So then I rubbed banana peels and watermelon rind on the horrid red bumps filled urushiol. (That's the poison oil that the plant rubs off on your skin and then causes all the horror on your sweet, unsuspecting epidermis.) When the banana peels and watermelon rinds didn't do much (but smelled nice) I rubbed salt and baking soda into my arms like a complete madwoman.

I have pleaded with co-workers, one of whom turned me on to Tecnu. It's pretty good stuff, despite its creepy origins--it was created by Dr. Robert Smith, a chemical engineer, in the early 1960s during the cold war years. The wash was originally intended as a waterless cleanser to remove nuclear fallout dust from skin and clothing for families' personal bomb shelters.  Because I applied it a week into my rash (as opposed to suggested first 2-3 hours of exposure) it didn't knock the evil rash out of the ball park but it did seem to mobilize it. Sort of. I mean, the yicky, itchy bumps aren't gone but are slightly less horrifying. Maybe I need to switch to Tecnu Extreme. I'd say things have gotten rather extreme around here. Maybe the fine folks at TecLabs need to come up with Tecnu Totally, Utterly Desperate. I'd be so all over that.

Oh, did I mention that we itch with a burning that seems kind of biblical? I'm not kidding. it's so crazy that I wouldn't be surprised if frogs started falling from the sky in about 22 minutes. I've actually been jealous of friends who were sidelined by lice last week. I mean, lice, big deal, you wash your hair and clothes with some nasty pesticide and in a few days, you're good to go. The way things are going around here, I'll still look like something between a sketchy junky chick and an escaped leper next weekend when we're in Colorado. (People have been taking one good look at my arms and giving me some really healthy personal space.) And I bet I'll still be itching!

Got any remedies? Ooooh, do let's us know. The removal of limbs isn't an option but has been considered. The one thing I am too scared to try is sandpaper. That's right, I read in one of my many, many internet searches, that you can take medium grade (not even fine grade!) sand paper and just sand away the blisters. Apparently we aren't the only desperate sufferers. But it sure feels like it right about now.

Comments

[fran]

oh i am so sorry! here is where mother does know best! the best thing (and it does work) is to call your doctor and get a prescrsiption for steriods. You take them in declining number of pills for seven days.

if you do that at the first signs it stops it from spreading and instead of 2-3 weeks of hell, itching , blisters, etc it fades into oblivion

Unfortunatlely I know a lot about poisin ivy and therefore feel responsible that I did not check the area etc etc

Oh well, today is the Jewish New year and in so that I can start the new year right, I apologize and hope that you will accept that!

enjoy colorado and try cortizone cream (the strongest that you can buy in the drug store and it may not be too late to get the prescription!)